Put your finger in it

It was coined by Vanessa as the "Best Halloween ever" and I think we all agree.

Things got under way at Kelly's around 9:30 for a pre drinking Halloween/Birthday celebration.

Upon my arrival I mixed up some Appleton & Cola and then had a demonstration of Joey's costume, which was him on an Ostrich. It had a built in air pump, to pump the front part of his bird up.

As usual at any pre drinking with Kelly, Vanessa, Paige, Nicki, & Stephanie involved, a photo shoot seemed to break out for most of the gathering.
The rest of us watched some hockey. I recall Cmack making a comment about where everyone had gone to take pictures, stating he had a look down the hall on his last visit and only saw a wood pile. I was able to set him straight on there being another room.

Eventually he took over the music selection duties, putting on some classic Everclear & Fine Young Cannibals. I was later able to queue up "It Doesn't Really Matter" followed by the Animal Dance video from Wonder Showzen, I had discovered the previous night. Darcy then requested we view the Cameltoe song/video.

After this we were divided up into groups to fit into the 3 cars which would take us to the BHT. This would not go without incident.

Almost instantly, Paige, aka "Wheels", was front end first into the culvert at the end of the driveway - Claiming to be "Blinded by the light" of another car.

The right front of the car was left teetering over the edge of the culvert, with the left rear a good 3-4 ft up in the air. Laughter was filling the backseat where Vanessa & Stephanie were, while Joey who was in the front seat calmly asked, "Could someone please take my beer?" before he attempted to crawl out.

With only two tires still touching ground, a group of us got in the ditch, and lifted the front of the car up so it would be level, while Paige nailed the gas in reverse, some how this got enough traction and we would be back on our way. Sadly no pictures were taken of this, as it was a downpour of rain at the time.

I'm sure Kelly's grandmother enjoyed seeing a guy on an Ostrich, K-Fed, Napoleon and the rest of us lifting a car out of the ditch. It would have been such a classic picture, I think it might be worth re-staging the event so it can be photographed.

Back on our way, it was Kelly, Cmack & I in with David & Amanda. David not familiar with downtown Newcastle had an interesting fright when he was directed into the left lane by the Royal Bank, followed by some confusing statements from Kelly which made him think it was a two way road, not a one way, causing him to swerve back and forth a few times before we finally set things straight.

Although Marv was not at the BHT, (one can only assume he was out at a Halloween party, dressed up as one of his favorite Tv characters - Paul Teutul Sr. from the Orange County Choppers), Passing Out Weldon was in full force, deep in sleep as we entered. He would wake up/pass out several times while we were there. Robert M. was also on hand with his usual poker game on the go.

Eventually Cmack challenged me to a game of pool. I was not intoxicated enough to play up to my potential, but Cmack was pretty liquored up taking away some of his pool sharking capabilities. Near the end of the match, the rum & cola kicked in, and I was able to make a come back to win the game. - my first time ever beating him. I believe this could be Craig's second straight defeat at the BHT after Vettel was the victor over him on our last outing. I must also give some credit to Kelly for my win, as she took my pool cue to pose for a picture, and also shot one of my balls in.

Next up Cmack & David played a pool match. During this time I took part in some liquor consumption, conversation, fondling, and had to give Cmack some words of encouragement as he was all over the place in the pool game. I calmed him down by some references to the Sublime Directory, suggesting he just envision he is in the forth gallery of the teens section, he was able to bring his game back up to par.

Just as it was time to leave, Jerry M. arrived in the back door, sadly there was no time for any conversation.

While waiting to get in the O'house I advised Sean B. that I would not be producing an ID for him to scan in the ID scanning machine that does the math for you. We made our way up to coat check, which was closed. The door however was open, so Kelly checked our coats for us. Some how they stayed in place/were not stolen.

Craig ordered up a rum & cola in a small glass. He would have to return to ask it be put in a tall glass with more cola.

I only saw a few people I knew; there was a short stop talking to Timmy M., I also met up with a former co worker for some conversation, while threatening another one to log into his hi5 and accept my friend request. Most of the O'house part of the night was spent in a booth overlooking the dance floor & wandering around.

"Wheels" or "Ditch" then decided it was time to leave. She would not agree to taking advantage of the extra hour of action that was available due to the time change.

After dropping Cmack off, we made our way to Mcdonalds.
No one made an exit out of the car to use the bathroom while in the drive thru this time, probably because it was raining heavily and Vanessa & Joey were not with us. Instead Stephanie was in their place.

Even with a bag check before leaving the drive thru, my order was still incorrect. A patty was left off what was suppose to be a double quarter pounder. Once back to Kelly's we ate the food & retired to bed.

I was awoken around 6 or 7am by Rose upstairs. She seems to be busy early on Sunday mornings, running from one end of the house to the other, while fielding several phone calls.

Eventually a few hours later everyone else got up. At some point it was mentioned by Kelly that when "Wheels" went in the ditch it didn't make any noise. I made a correction to this statement, that the only noise when she went in the ditch was laughter.

I will leave this post with a video for your enjoyment.


Coming Lou!

Saturday saw a classic BHT outing.
I'm pretty sure Allen Legere was on hand, as was the Montreal pornstar Malezia.
Another BHT question was answered, the one of, "What is kept in the cupboard under the TV?" was solved when Marv had to retrieve an item -- toilet paper.

Andrew & I showed up pretty early, claiming the usual table and settling into a few drinks before making our way to the pool table to begin our usual best of 5 challenge. I was still sober at that point, loosing the first two rounds. It wasn't until the third frame that the liquor started to kick in, making my pool playing super powers come out. In the end Andrew came out the victor 3 games to 1, taking the title.

It was around that point which CMack, Graeme, Don, Marty & others showed up, we settled into more drinking, & classic BHT conversation.

Allen Legere's friend approached Kelly who was at another table with her friends, asking if she could bring up his myspace page on her phone. Sadly the url was not obtained.

Later in the night, Andrew made his way to Subway with Graeme & company, while I proceeded to the bar to return my glass before heading to the O'house with Kelly & company to obtain a burger. I cannot go home at the end of the night without a good burger.

I ended up in a 25 minute conversation with Jerry M. covering such topics as how his wife will only let him go to the BHT, & I brought up the topic of the sad state of teachers around here these days, in reference to one that was on hand. Jerry enjoyed this and proceeded to say, "Yeah that's right, f*ck I'm glad my kids aren't in school anymore!" Some conversation was also had with Marv & Robert M.

The O'house was a pretty quick stop, walking through, getting a drink, finishing walking through and out. I did stop to harass James. S for a bit. No burger was obtained, but as usual "Wheels" was taking us to McDonald's.
Outside Kelly hugged a few people, we met up with Joey, talked with James H., then headed for the car.

The drive was not without incident. We made it halfway there before Kelly declared she was going to be sick, we pulled over. "Wheels" seems to always be prepared, having professional vomit bags and a box of Kleenex on hand in the back seat. We continued to McDonald's. Some where along the drive, Vanessa was able to determine where I get my haircut, just by running her hand through it. That is like a mechanic being able to tell where you had your last oil change by touching the filter.

It seems we can't go through the Mcds Drive Thru without someone running out of the car into the distance to use the bathroom. This time it was Kelly & Vanessa. The drive home was without incident, as everyone was busy eating.

Once back to Kelly's, my plan was to watch the F1 race. Some how she did not get any of the 3 channels it was on. I had to settle for Comedy Centrals Roast of William Shatner. It was pretty good, but nothing close to the Dennis Miller Roast.

Sunday I woke up around 4am on the floor with all the blankets, I'm not sure how I achieved that. I got up, put the blankets back on the bed with Kelly, got some water and returned to the floor, since it was cool. Sleeping would not last long, being woken up by the sound of a bell ringing upstairs followed by, "Coming Lou!" at 6am.

Later in the day it was off to the grocery store with Andrew, other than having a defective cart & seeing a couple former teachers, it was without incident. Eventually later in the afternoon we ended up hitting some golf balls at the BBBF, sadly we did not find C.T or any bodies behind the ball field when retrieving the balls.

A few hours later I made a pizza, eating the whole thing, followed by passing out for awhile.

Holiday Monday featured a viewing of "License to Drive" for the first time in over a decade, it was probably better then what I remembered.


You will be successful in your work ... in bed

I saw something tonight. Something that I had thought for years, I would never again see. The gas price being in the 80's. 89 cents tonight at the Petro.

I remember years ago declaring I would do something if the gas price ever returned to 80 some cents. The problem is I forget what that something was. I'm sure I spoke of it to someone, so if anyone remembers, please remind me.

The title of this post was what I received in my fortune cookie the other day, with 'in bed' added on. Always add 'in bed' to the end of your fortune to make it more entertaining.


What does he want me to do, go to EI and say hello there, I've been hauling shopping carts out of ponds for 18 years...give me a fu*kin check please

Friday saw a visit to the theatre for some Jackass 2. I don't remember the first one but knew the only way to see # 2 would be in a theatre for the reaction of others. I don't think anyone stopped laughing the whole way through, probably one of my favorite movies of the year.

The Trailer Park Boys movie finally comes out in a few weeks, October 6th.
There is only one way to properly watch it; get liquored up, catch the early showing, then go to the BHT afterwards.
View the trailer here.

Saturday night started off at my house with Kelly, Vanessa, Paige, Nikki & Stephanie. After about 200 pictures being taken & a game of Malarky, we finally made our way to the BHT.

I had my usual drink, while watching some older people try dancing to some 80's favorites on the jukebox. Due to the lack of anyone being there, we quickly made our way to the O'house.

It wasn't long until Kris G. yelled out the phrase, "Who the Fu&*k would wear that dress here!" in the direction of some falling over bridesmaids.

We had front row seats for 3 girl on girl dance floor fights. While a lot of punches were thrown + a few kicks, not many made contact. I would only give it a 6.5/10. What happened to the days of throwing a glass or bottle at each others head?

Paige - aka 'Wheels', took us to Mcdonalds. It was a lengthy wait in the drive thru, but thanks to Joey's running off to use the bathroom and harassing Paige, it seemed to pass quickly. I had the Double Quarter Pounder. I also scored some ranch sauce - this is important as I was viciously denied requesting it in a previous visit. I will keep it in my fridge for years as a memory.

After finishing food, Kelly requested to be pushed around in a shopping cart by Vanessa, so we headed for Walmart. There were some employees outside though. Eventually we found some carts out back of Northumberland Square for the mission to be completed.

The drive home was not without incident, a few complaints from Joey about having to shit himself followed by what Paige claimed to be a cat crossing the road, which caused a near rear end by a tailgating taxi.


You know you're in trouble when Cory Feldman thinks you should have an intervention

The other day I stumbled upon what I thought was a disturbing trend.

The high amount of people I went to school with that have become teachers. I can count 5 or 6 without thinking about it. I think they will all be good at it, but missing something.

Back in my day, teachers were people who had life experience, & told stories about it almost every day.

They wrote books, built pools, escaped a DUI conviction, had a student-teacher sex scandal, got high on history, and appeared on jeopardy.

You could learn more from listening to their stories than the actual material being taught in class.

Now it seems everyone I know becoming a teacher has never left school. They went from high school, right into university, and right back to school for work. I'm sure they have gathered life experience, well drinking experience, while in university.

Don't get me wrong, a career of always being in school has advantages. Like never working a summer or weekend, & "I get older, they stay the same age."

Anyway this trend bothered me until I remembered a key factor. All of us have heard a line like this from a parent about one of our teachers; "(enter name here)! He/She couldn't teach a dog how to shit." or a reference about them being an alcoholic. So I guess things will pretty much work out to being the same.

I look forward to some interesting parent-teacher meetings when I'm older. "Hey do you remember when we used to try and set this classroom on fire?" or "You were pretty drunk at the BHT the other weekend, was that a student you were with?"

On a side note, as discussed with Andrew, it's been a long time since M.Leblanc has been seen out drinking, or out doing anything anywhere. My theory is, with all the history being made in the middle east these days, he is home taping CNN 24/7 and writing his own textbook, titled "Getting High on History"

I hope to get a signed copy.


Sometimes I just go for it

Last week Kelly & I headed to F'ton for a few days.

Night one featured some drinking with Andrew & Tracy.
I was unaware I consumed half my Southern Comfort during the sitting that featured some random card games, television viewing & musings.

I finished the night off in style with a super donair & garlic fingers.

The following day Andrew & I made our way for some golf, followed by a short recess break then downtown + mall adventure.

It was my first golf outing in about 8 years. I was where I expected to be, which was like starting all over.

I think golf will become a more regular hobby for me, as I need some non alcohol related activities. Although I'm sure as with pool, my golf game would be better with some alcohol, especially if it was at a course called "The Blackhorse"

After a visit to the hobby shop & a walk around downtown, we headed to the mall. I didn't buy anything, but this trip would later inspire my book wish list, & amazon purchase of "Modern Drunkard" based on the website.

Other notables I want to purchase are; "The Complete A**hole's Guide to Handling Chicks"   "Uncle John's Gigantic Bathroom Reader"    "101 Things to Do Before You Die"  &  a few other website based books like Tucker Max's "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" & the "College Humor Guide to College"

The Fredericton trip was capped off by one of Kelly's trademark supper gatherings, featuring Vettel, Tracy, Snaggle & Kyla.

The food was excellent & I introduced everyone to "Date My Mom" the lamest or best show on tv. Be sure to check it out on youtube.

After that it was off for some poker & excellent truths behind 80's songs.

Last Saturday Kelly & I joined Vanessa & Joey for some BHT/OH action.

It was a pretty laid back evening, eventually we met up with Oliver & JD for some conversation,& along with a few other people during our wandering around.

The night was finished off with some Subway rabbit food & watching Scarface till 4am.

The following day, I awoke not knowing I would later play "Supermarket Sweep" ---- I went to the grocery store at 4:51. I first got a basket & was just going to get some essential items, due to the closing time of 5pm. After a few feet into the store, I was reminded of the phrase, "Sometimes I just go for it" & decided to go for it.

I got a cart, & completed my grocery list by closing time.

Fast Forward: Uncle John's Bathroom Reader & The College Humor Book, have been given to me as a birthday present from Kelly.


Get your coat, we're going out...

Saturday, I grabbed a shower around 9, enjoyed some Ultimate Prince Igor, then made my way down to the BHT to meet up with Oliver, JD, Jimmy & his g/f. I was flying solo for the night as Kelly was working.

First stop as always, was the TD bank. I have strong distaste for the new Green Machines. The 700 language options, flashing green lights around the debit card slot, & slow sticky keys are a real annoyance.

I grabbed my traditional drink at the BHT(rum, ice, dash of cola), made my way over to the table for some conversation & Jimmy Tricks.

After a couple hours of consumption, conversation, & story telling, I made my way outside for a special secret meetup with someone, then some conversation with Rob. M.

Next we made our way to the OH.
It was pretty empty --- that would not last long.

Some initial wandering around took place, before sitting down above the dance floor. JKenny was the first to appear, soon after Jimmy's sister appeared, then some of Kelly's friends, all while JD was away for a drink. By the time he got back, the place had suddenly gone from no one, to a pretty large crowd.

It wasn't the high school reunion type of crowd I enjoy, but was decent. More wandering around, sitting, & conversation took place, along with me being JD's Wingman, taking him to his missions, looping around, taking him back to home base when needed.

The drive home was provided by JKenny, I secured the shot gun position. Not 30 seconds after leaving we were pulled over by the 5-0, with four(4) in the back seat.

Jimmy felt a ticket was coming for sure as he was the odd one out with no seat belt, but after observing JKenny was a DD & there was no open liquor in the car, the reason for the stop was disguised as "no lights on" & we were back on our way.

During the stop the 5-0 made a comment about all the liquor being in our stomach, to which I recall Jimmy making a comment along the lines of , "Until we get home to the toilet."

"If is a very long word in Formula One; in fact, 'if' is F1 spelled backwards."
I watched the F1 race Sunday, it was interesting, & unpredictable to the finish, then returned to sleep for a few hours.

"Shake & Bake."
Monday night Kelly, Vanessa & I, along with a lot of other former MVHS people, attended the theatre for Talladega Nights. There were some funny parts, most were the ones shown in the commercials, probably the best part was about baby jesus, & the bloopers at the end.

Although I've been out of school for several years, I discovered I still group people by the year they graduated, & probably always will --- unless I discover a better system.

The next night it was back to the BHT. The field was myself, Kelly, James H, then joined by Kyla & JKenny, soon after Jermey & Jessie joined. A few drinks & conversation were had, but was a low key event, as can be expected on a Tuesday. Cmac also appeared for a bit.

If anyone wonders what Marv does when its not busy, I discovered the answer Tuesday night.
He enjoys snacks from the vending machine, watches Orange County Choppers, American Hot Rod & some original CBC programing.

After the BHT, Kelly, James & I headed to Tim Hortons for some food. It took 4 attempts before they successfully toasted my sandwich. The final result was rather good though.