Like A Bukkake Through A Funnel, These Are The Days Of Our Lives

Christmas is coming pretty quick this year, kind of the same speed as one Richard Mac. displays when someone suggests he light the school yard on fire, and 15 minutes later you hear sirens and see a fire truck, then him being guided to the office by police.

I enjoy seeing someone on cops who bares a striking resemblance to someone from here and it takes two looks to determine it is not them. One day it will be for real. Speaking of that, the other week Kelly and I stumbled onto a local who moved away and seems to have made it on the Matchmaker show, it was a classic Matchmaker episode with the host making some good disses about both her and the guy.

I watched the Trailer Park Boys Christmas movie Saturday night as Kelly scored an early copy from her stolen satellite signals, it started off pretty slow but as soon as Ricky appeared it got interesting and became an instant classic. There is even a bit of Platinum Blonde played in the episode.

Bob Villa

Last night featured a solid mall visit with Kelly, it included; seeing B.Morris, a female mullet, an opportunity to make the comment, "now there's a joke if I ever saw one" in regards to a high school math teacher.

We noticed some foreigners wandering in the hall, then noticed a new store that no one was working in, it turns out these foreigners have set up shop in the mall, and they have some good shit.

I was able to get a mounted/framed Scarface movie poster for $30, it was regular $70. I have been trying to get a good one for months now. They also had a large section of tity calendars but Kelly made me look the other way.

There was also the classic incident of being in Zellers for less then 2 minutes and hearing the security personal being called to a zone 13 of the store. I don't recall walking in there without that happening, no matter who I'm with. I wonder if I'm on their watch list from the adventures of Mr. Kenna and I to the store on a monthly basis years ago, one such time he tried to purchase the cardboard display VCR and TV. I believe that was on the same adventure when a toy we were testing in the dollar store came apart, and a piece of it flew up the isle and struck the cashier at the front of the store.

Jesus had a haircut like mine

The highlight of the week was Wednesday night. It started out innocently with picking up Chris, Julie and Kelly, then heading to my place for pre drinking events. We were joined by Vanessa and Paige who never drinks, because she is always driving, but I think she has a fear of liquor, and uses the driving as an excuse. We must test this theory out.

We headed to the OH, where it seemed pretty quiet for a bit. It then turned into an all star event with non stop laughing most of the night. I returned from the bathroom to notice Kelly found Franklin V. with a girl she used to work with. I haven't seen him since before the summer, so most of the night was spent with him hearing stories which cannot be reproduced for your enjoyment but were top notch. We were soon joined by names like Kenny M, G.Savoy, J. Morris, as well as a few others. I recall Kenny attempting to drink 3 drinks at once and they spilled over himself and a couple other people. Later in the night it appeared he tried to pick a fight with some guy. I also recall us running interference in a pick up attempt by him, which is always a fun event to take part in while out. Things used in the interference were comments like, "hey your date is sitting over there by herself." pointing to the girl who was actually there with Franklin.

Other highlights included seeing my cousin, and him stating, "Jesus had a haircut like mine" as well J Scott was out and observed taking part in yelling, "show us your tits" and some other notables I haven't seen in a good while such as Timmy M. who is still alive, and Mark. F was seen running and skipping around on the streets outside afterwards like he usually does.

Kelly and I then went to Subway and I talked to B. Ryan who has informed me due to the hockey strike he is forced to watch basketball this year, I don't think anything could make me watch basketball.

We then returned to outside the OH and had 3 or 4 taxi rides stolen by others who ran infront of us while we were waiting right on the corner for one. During this Kelly was getting angered and some girl accidentally ran into her and then hugged her to say sorry, as she left Kelly made a comment along the lines of "go the * away your dirty" Thankfully the girl didn't hear it and there was no altercation. Also while standing there, the ex-gf of legend Peter M. came over and asked me if I saw who was driving a car that had just driven by and then continued along with some story about an ex-bf to Kelly and I for a moment and left saying something about tinted windows.

I believe that night I observed the most people ever who couldn't talk right due to intoxication.

The rest of the week was pretty much filled with work and some McDonald's outings with Kelly. I consumed two double quarter pounders this week and 16 nuggets, and it brought back memory's of how when I was a kid I was just like Randy from TPB's. I used to go spend some summer vacation time with family in Bay Du Vin and while there we would play the card game 31 for quarters with people like EddyTG usually taking part in the games as well. I used to do my best to win, and on the way home after a week there, would stop at McDonald's and buy as many 69 cent cheeseburgers with ketchup I could afford on my card game winnings.

Jeremy informed me the other morning around 4am that he was at a Chinese restaurant earlier in the night and put "BUKKAKE!" into a search on a pc there, and that this was going to be "BUKKAKE! Awareness Month"

Bean Flicking

Kelly's Birthday festivities went well at my place last Friday. I believe I had about 10 drinks by the end of the night, which was around 1230, as Kelly only lasted about an hour at the OH due to her impressive shooter skills at my house, I believe she consumed 32, along with all her other regular drinks.

It's time I got back to the Good Life

Roughly 3 hours until tip off time, tip off of my first glass of liquor in 10 weeks at tonights pre gathering at my house. I have given much thought about what that drink will be, and have decided it will be James Bond style, an Iceberg Vodka/Southern Comfort Martini while I play some poker. From there it will be Comfort and A&W, followed by some Bacardi and cola at the OH.

A summary of events will be posted in the next couple of days.

Don't Get Eliminated!

Well it’s been exactly a month since my last post.

No particular reason for that, just lots of other activities keeping me busy, including work, and the internet seemed to be pretty slack during the time.

Important fact of the day;
My streak of sobriety will exceed 2 months this weekend; hopefully it will end in another week during Kelly's birthday celebrations. For those first time readers, I'm not an alcoholic, I've had lack of time for drinking since the massive B. Savoy wedding night and have been holding off until the time is right for a massive "Welcome Back to Drinking" event. Last week I hit a phase were I had the taste of rum and coke in my mouth for about an hour. I can't wait to have that and some Southern Comfort. I hope to try Iceberg Vodka for the first time soon as well. Thanks to Craig Pinhey over at Frogs Pad my interest has been sparked in it. I guess Iceberg rated 3rd or 4th in the world of Vodka, the big names like Absolut finished pretty low on the list and Smirnoff actually received a not ratable rank. I stumbled across Pinhey's work while at my work; he has articles syndicated on aliant.net, all about the local liquor scene. I hope one day he does a review of the Blackhorse.

I've been spending some time lately playing poker. Speaking of cards, I stumbled across a site that features the rules/instructions to what seems to be every card game and variation of them ever created, check it out here.

Beads!

I just remembered one of my favorite Jimmy Kimmel moments, he had a guest on and was asking him questions about the guest's upcoming movie and out of the blue asked, "Do you think god is mad at Michael Jackson?"

It has been forever since I have had a drink of alcohol. Only about 8 days short of being a month. I think mainly this is due to a busy schedule and not having a Thursday, Saturday or Sunday for a recovery day off in that time frame. I also have not had an urge to drink. I will be trying to stay away from drinking for a full month, for no particular reason, like a calm before the storm.

I would like to see a hurricane or tropical storm named BUKKAKE!
"BUKKAKE! is going to be a messy storm, it is going to slam into the coast and drench it."

Battle Axe!

Last night featured supper at the OH, I don't know if I enjoyed the food more, or hearing the people behind us tell about how disgusting their neighbors house is with toys and kids stuff everywhere and how the mother is a stay at home and implied she should have the house clean, and about a wedding they attended that she was embarrassed to be part of.

Art Attack

The other night around 1:30am Kelly and I paused on the family channel for a moment as Art Attack was on. This one was some special late night action as he made a rhino out of the rhino's own piles of shit that were collected in a shovel and wheelbarrow from the rhino's living area in the zoo. Later on in the episode he was blowing paint around on a table using a straw, however it looked like he was using his nose to do so and snorting up lines of coke, he then threw down the straw and said something like, "man that gives me an art attack!" I can only imagine the drugs he takes to think up the shit on that show.

Tuesday saw a trip to Moncton with Kelly, after the regular mall visit and going to see my old apartment we went and obtained her friend Stephanie and went to Ponderosa for supper. There we had the same waiter who a few years ago gave us our meal and asked us, "would you like some ah... cool whip with that?" when he meant to say mayo. This time he had a hard time tracking us down when bringing us our food. He went to at least 4 other tables in the place asking them if they were us, being the asshole I ‘am I didn't raise my hand saying it was mine, until we were the last table that he came to and asked the question, "did you order something here?"

Earlier in the day in Moncton, a guy appeared out of no where behind the car as I was backing out of a parking spot, he looked to be staggering and drunk, approached my window and didn't say anything. I took a few seconds to read what was in his hand, it was an item he was selling and he was deaf and appeared to be a bit not all there as well. I think this was the first time in a long time I given to charity, and although Kelly feels it may have been a scam and he wasn't really deaf, he definitely had something wrong with him and the 48 second shocker like handshake he gave me was worth the $5

Lightspeed University

It has been too long of a time span to recap all that has occurred since my last writing. I believe it all started with a taxi driver telling the joke, "What did one casket say to the other? Is that you coffin?" It also included a lot of work, Kelly staying over for a week (she only fell out of bed once), a few alcohol outings, a mr. noodle flavor powder explosion/fire on the stove, the Getaway being beat, and that is about all I can recall at the moment.

Recently I read a suggestion about what to do with the high amount of vacant buildings here on the west side of the city. The former courthouse, its parking lots, the river inn, legion, and jubilee center and some other additions would make the perfect location for a university.

A university would be an excellent way to not only rescue this city from its pending journey to the bottom of the river, but would also take it to the next level of being what this place should and can be. With the proper vision and building of such a facility here, it could work. Sure there are valid points such as, who wants to stay here to go to university, who wants to move here to go to university, who would teach, what would it offer? To those valid points, I say it would have to be unique. It would need something to set it apart from other schools. It would have to offer something special, find a good niche and a solid image to start with and build upon. Also don't forget, it would have the Blackhorse and OH to help it gain interest.

My vision for the city would be seeing an actual legit university established here on the west side of the city in the above mentioned locations, doing away with traffic around the square. Revamp it with proper shops, restaurants and pubs, and sidewalk patios like every other city has done. Get rid of the former federal wharf; turn it into an extension of Ritchie wharf, complete with massive indoor/outdoor skate/go-kart/climbing, mini golf, etc facilities for people to have something to do.
Turn the former flett property into a McDonalds or something even better. Do the same with the property across the street by Dixie lee. As for the east side of the city, take some of the downtown warehouse space and invest in finding a solid business to come to town, other then a call center or gym. Something that will not only offer employment for people here, but bring people in from out of town who will spend.

Big Savings Guy

I hate getting mail that looks legit, has a return address, and looks professional. I just happen to be waiting for an important piece of mail. This could be it. I open it, and I see in bright yellow, TOM MCxxxxxx "BIG SAVINGS GUY" from Columbia House.

Saturday night, Vettel and I had a solid performance of 8 and 9 ball at the BHT. I had not played 9 ball in about 3 years, and I now recall that I liked it above 8. We stopped into Mikes for a few moments on a recommendation from someone at the BHT. It was its usual full crowd, no where to sit or stand, and I'm sure enough narcotics floating around to keep a small village of hippys happy, or the city of Bathurst.

Legion = No Hat

It has been an eventful week.

I cannot remember what took place pre Wednesday, other then it and Tuesday being my days off.

Wednesday featured an outing to the BHT and OH with Kelly, her brother and his girlfriend. The BHT was rather empty and I was asked for ID twice when asking for a glass of water by the non marv guy. The OH wasn't too bad, I had a good conversation with my cousin of LiL'Bastard fame.

Thursday was a visit to the exhibition, which was well attended. I think it was the largest crowd I've seen there in recent years, that was sober and not just kids looking to fight, although we saw a couple of 8 year olds tossing each other around for fun. I met up with B.Morris and spoke with him for a bit, Kelly and I played with some pussy in a barn and took a walk through the red rooster, which I think I saw the same people in about 3 or 4 years ago when I was last in there.

Friday I was able to leave work early thanks to Wally, and attend the BSavoy wedding festivities, which will be a highlight of the summer, and I regret not having my camcorder charged for the events after party. Kelly, Vettel, Snaggle, Kyla, and myself drank here after eating some massive Mcdonalds, which I plan on staying away from for several months. There is nothing like the feeling of "oh fuck this could be the day I have a heartattack" after eating there.

Some GranTurismo3 was played, which I had a poor performance and will blame it on my vision.

We then returned to the reception festivities. I played and won my first crazy 8 game in 5 years. The DJ allowed requests so we loaded up a few hours of 80's hits, although he seemed to stray from them a bit near the end and put his requests in. Snaggle and Vettel were Dawson Brother Idols, putting in a solid karoke performance, including some good mop guitar action.

The OH was attended afterwards where many notable persons were noticed and spoken to and Vettel had a wedding congratulations song put out to him and Chauncy, via Snaggle J. I wonder how many people heard it and then when seeing him in a suit, actually believed it. Pizza Twice was then attended.

I must now go and pick up Vettel and see who we can harrass tonight

The House of BUKKAKE!

I finished my first week back working for Aliant. I had almost no voice for 3 of the 5 shifts, which was interesting, but even with that, I had a good time. I guess with your supervisor flying across the floor in his chair 3 or 4 times a shift like it has a rocket engine on it, and the customers who say, "and I clicked on the boobs" and the ones that say, "that's bullshit" after you correct them when they claim they have done something that has been proven impossible, make it a pretty enjoyable job. Everything came back into my head pretty quickly and I picked up pretty much where I left off 2 months ago.

Friday at the BHT event I had a rum and cola, and had another at the OH. I drank about 8 glasses of water at the OH as well. I woke up several times the next morning feeling sick and almost threw up when getting ready for work. The water seemed to fuck me over worse then just drinking all night does. This has gotten me thinking that it's probably about that time for another series of independent water tests and a city council meeting like the famous John Smith one years ago. I think this is the second time I've mentioned that meeting in here, it was some of the best tv I have ever seen. I will never forget watching it on cable 10 as he brought in city water and poured glasses for the rest of the councilors to drink, instead of the regular imported water they had. I wish I could find a copy of that tape.

I have a receipt from the Pump House in Moncton on my tack board, because the name of the waitress on it is, Horne Nicole. I wish there was a website to post copies of receipts with cool names.

There are some photos of work on the new bypass to the north of the city in the paper today. I can't wait for its completion, so you can take it to drive around the city in circles, using it to bypass the north and then down the 11 onto the 117 and onto 8 or 430, back to the north bypass, or the other way around. It will almost be like an oval road course around the city.

Gonna Be 58 Today With The Heat

Lately I've been paranoid that I'm on a reality tv show and don't know. The other day while driving with my nephew he asked me, "What's the name of that guy with the long tongue? He's in a band." I had to look around for a few seconds to make sure there were no cameras and I wasn't on Oblivious or something.

Kelly and I went to Bathurst on Monday for something to do. We heard "cocaine" announced over a stores PA system twice, either they have an employee with that name or they were running out of cocaine at the cash. We had lunch at Wendys, where I had the triple decker cheese burger. As Kelly said, it looked like the large cheese burger picture I posted on here a few months ago. I felt like John Candy in the Great Outdoors eating the huge steak as I ate it.

We visited Staples where Kelly got some school supplies and I played with one of those kids books where you put the pen over the words and it says them out loud, I made a foul phrase from it but forget what it was.

The drive home was pretty good, excessive speed was used a few times on open sections of the highway. We had a good race with a new Honda Accord, I closed in and finally passed him in an uphill passing zone, then had a solid lead built up, but lost it thanks to a MDI truck doing 70kmh. Behind me I noticed the Honda and another car battling it out side by side for second. A short time later the Honda passed us while I was blocked behind the MDI truck.

Tuesday my issue at work was finally resolved, I have been granted my transfer back to my former department, and they appear pretty happy to have me back. I have a couple of days of reorientation and then go back to regular work next week.

Yesterday at Tim Horton's downtown, the Dawsons started talking to Kelly and then me. I think they must have a photographic memory and remember everyone they have once spoken to, and consider them friends. We were told twice that it was going to be "58 out today with the heat." I think it was better weather then Cindy Day gives.

Realdoll

I have worked a total of 1h 25mins this week because my transfer process wasn't completed properly, and my main password to logon to the systems was lost before ever being given to me. I've been given/have taken, 2 days off the schedule until they smarten the fuck up.

Kelly informed me that a folksong singing event broke out at the BHT last night.

I've had a few good business ideas lately, and if I had the time I would probably put one of them into motion, and I don't mean ideas like the one of turning bay du vin island into a porn island retreat resort when I was 13. Although I still want to own that island one day.

Summer is going by rather fast, another 4 weeks and its pretty much over, I suppose I slept most of June, but it wasn't that nice out anyway.

Romper Room

It has been pretty quiet again this weekend, I fear if I move too much I might either melt or catch on fire, so I haven't done much. Kelly and I watched Big Brother last night, and made another attempt at getting past the last Mark Hammond mission in The Getaway this afternoon. I think she got the closest we have so far, she only had 2 guys left to kill.

Thursday night saw a trip to Choo Choos. It seems I go there once every summer at least. It was a total family affair, with Kelly, my sister, brother inlaw, and cousin from Ontario attending, along with Kelly's friend Vanessa. It was the usual Choo Choos meat market atmosphere downstairs, and the attic house party setting upstairs. I did not drink, as I was the transportation for the night, and had a final assessment at work Friday morning at 8am. I kept a low profile most of the night, spending time with the above mentioned and saying hi to a few people I knew. I also got to experience the, "Do you know who I'am?" question when not having a fucking clue who the person was, I quickly clued in though when the persons name was said, being a former exgf of a friend. I think the only other time I have experienced that type of situation was one day while getting the car serviced this guy started talking to me. He knew my name, my family, and so on, so I played along not knowing who he was at first, but by about a minute into the conversation clued in to who he was. I got about 2 hours sleep and was off to work wide awake, and ironically it was the first day of the entire 5 weeks of training that I wasn't one bit tired. I did however sleep for about 14.5 hours straight between Friday night and Saturday.

Mr. Bryan On Jeopardy

It has been a pretty low key weekend.  Friday featured making what probably works out to be $20 for playing hangman at work for awhile as no one wanted to do any real work. My team won, as we were bastards using f'd up words and phrases. Kelly had a gathering at her place Friday night, I was rather over tired so I did not participate in the drinking portion of things. There were a number of funny comments made during the night that I was going to mention, however I can't recall them.

Saturday I went to Kelly's for some supper featuring tities, chicken tities that is. It was good. We then came to my place and watched Big Brother.

Today I woke up for the F1 event, but then fell asleep during it for a few moments.

Anyone remember/ever hear the story about Mr. Bryan making it to the last round of Jeopardy contestant testing? Someone mentioned that at work the other day, it sparked back the memory of him telling us and someone telling him he was bullshitting, I think it was Bmorris.

!EKAKKUB

On the weekend Kelly and I went to Halifax. We left here Saturday at 6:55am. We made very good time, arriving in Halifax shortly after 10. Along the 4 lane section of NS highway, I tried cruise control for the first time in my life. That lasted about a minute until I had to turn it off. It was a weird out of control feeling that didn't sit well with me. I prefer using the gas myself as I feel more at one with the car I guess. I decided to use yahoo maps to see what the distance is from here to Halifax, and put that together with the time it took to get there to figure out the average speed of the trip. It turns out to have been roughly 126km/h which is pretty decent, considering I don't drive carelessly at 150 the whole way and that a third of the way was two lane highway with a bit of traffic that needed to be slowed down for.

Once in Halifax, we went to the MicMac mall. Kelly bought numerous things, while I struggled to find anything decent to buy. We then went to the Halifax Shopping Centre. I believe on the way there we saw the remains of a car hitting some propane tanks and causing an explosion. While tied up in traffic around it, I noticed James F Lahey auto something. I took a photo of it with Kelly's phone, as I'm sure there is a good chance that is where the Jim Lahey character originated from. After that we saw a run down strip club. Kelly turned down the idea of visiting it. Then there were some tense moments of trying to navigate across the city. Along the way, some broad from Quebec decided to make a sudden lane change from a dead stop, into the lane we were heading down near 30km/h, without looking to see what was coming. It was a close call, and her male passenger gave me a wave or I'm sure they call it a "salute in apology of my girlfriends terrible driving, I will hit her later for you tabernac!" Some how we ended up behind the same vehicle and there was another near accident. She put the car into reverse while shifting through gears after being stopped on a small incline, thankfully she stopped short of backing into us.

The Halifax Shopping Center saw Kelly make a few more purchases, while I looked for a suitable hat I can wear backwards. It is hard for me to find one though, as I explained to Kelly, I don't want anything "bling bling" "redneck" "circus on my head" or "ska8er" or a shitty sports team. I think the only thing I ended up buying was some Absolut at the Liquor Store there.

We visited some other stores, including Winners, where a kid was acting like a special needs kid stuck in a cart. An employee caught onto him and he ran away yelling.

It was then off for a walk around Dal.

Upon arrival to the hotel the one at check in decided to randomly give us a harbor view room upgrade for free, this was foreshadowing of the luck to come later at the casino.
We went to supper around 7:30 to TGI Fridays. The food was good and filling. We also had some drinks, which were very good. The one I had was filled with rum, vodka, gin, and something else, and the second one I had was even more potent, but not as enjoyable due to being so full from the meal. We then left and returned to the hotel to watch Big Brother, then went to Pacifico. It is very much like Voodoo in Moncton, maybe a bit smaller though and less hollywood like. We stayed there for a bit and then wandered around downtown, eventually making our way to the casino around 1am. Once there, we figured out how to play things and get coins. We sat down at some slot machines. After about 2 minutes I matched two things, and noticed it said I won a jackpot. I thought it was only a little jackpot, because I didn't match all 3 items. The attended came over and did her thing securing the machine and asked if I knew how much I won. I thought it would be maybe a hundred dollars. It turned out to be the second highest slot machine jackpot that a person could possibly get at the place, $540. Not bad for only putting a $20 in a few moments earlier. While waiting for the security guard and pay attended to come give me the money, I noticed Mr. Bryan playing some slots. Also 3 or 4 people walking by stopped to ask how much I had won and give congradulations. Kelly and I continued to play on some other machines until our initial $20 was gone.

We went back to our room, ordered a pizza, almost fell asleep waiting for it, it arrived, was partially eaten, then we went to bed.
At breakfast we overheard what we thought to be a guy saying something like "I watched porn last night and he wasn't on it." however they were talking about max from Conan, and some how Conan sounded exactly like porn. After a stop at the candy store for Kelly to obtain some items, it was then a quick and humid drive to Moncton. We went in the mall for a short bit, then made our way home.

Dildo Dawn

Not much has occurred this weekend, it was rather quiet, with no going out.

Strangely I have gotten to enjoy the childish games we play for training at work. They are what keep me awake. The highlight of them is always when my team decides its time to get dirty, and we ask one of the other teams a question that is so fucking complicated our instructors have a hard time thinking about it. We put up a fuss the other day because one team left out one step of a process, one very tiny step. While they were all trying to guess it, one of my teammates said, "pretty sure they are going to hate us for this" the other said, "pretty sure I don't care" We are currently leading the childish game standings by 2pts.

Breaking News 

Coffee & Hot Wings at 3am

As usual, the weekend recap;

Friday was what I like to refer to as an "opera house lite" night, as we only went for an hour to show one of Kelly's friends from away the place, and no liquor was consumed by myself. The highlight was Snaggle and others performing air instruments in the cage to some AcDc.

Saturday was the main event of the weekend. After a short bit of drinking here, Kelly, her friend Maryann and myself did the usual walk to the OH. It was fairly full, a lot of people I have never seen before though. There weren't any notable occurrences from there, although it was a good time filled with normal conversation and drinking. I got to watch the finish of the nascar race as Kelly and her friend consumed a grog and I had my usual drink of choice. While sitting there a conversation was had with Evan C. and there was a near fight between some guy and some other guy over some girl, however the situation was diffused. A little later I recall meeting up with Jamie H. who was having some trouble with a flashing guitar pin he got at the rock and roll weekend concert. It appeared he wanted it to stop flashing, but it wouldn't. Eventually he put it in the pocket of his shirt, however you could still see it flashing.
Some more people were noted in the fire truck on the 3rd floor again this weekend, so I guess it must be an allowed thing these days.

We went outside shortly after 2, and observed and mingled with the masses of people gathered on the sidewalk. There was one near fight, however it was put off until Doran's later in the night, and I guess didn't occur. Also there was a female noted slapping some guys face pretty hard, then a bit later another girl did it to him again for what appeared to be just for fun. We then walked to PizzaTwice. On the walk some guys, who looked pretty young, were going on about going to their place for "nothing sexual" to Kelly and her friend. Kelly made a few references asking him how old he was, making fun of his age. He claimed to be 20, so I checked his drivers license as we walked up the street, he indeed was 20, but looked about 16. The last we saw of him I believe he was quoted as saying to Kelly who was still harassing him, "your bitter!"

We then went into the pizza store, there was a line up for both pizza and the bathroom, so I left and went to subway to use the bathroom. I then returned to the pizza store. There was conversation amongst some people in the line up, and the highlight of the night occurred. An older man appeared and was not drinking, it appeared he was just out for a drive and ended up in the middle of about 30 intoxicated pizza customers. He wanted a coffee and wings. They don't serve coffee unless its breakfast. This appeared to irate him a bit and he promptly asked, "what do you have for wings then" He ordered the hottest they had and when the worker asked for his name to put on the order, he wouln't give it at first. Then gave the name, "Tom Jones" and made the comment, "so what your not going to let me order if I don't give you my social insurance number?" He then went and stood in the corner and waited for his order.

We sat with Mike U. and his gf, who is from saint john, and was room mates with Kelly's friends, friend. It appears something like that always occurs at pizza twice. Most of the rest of Kelly's friends appeared, there was conversation and eating. There was also the guy who is referred to as bubbles, he was going to sleep at some large girls house and people kept making fun of him for it and he kept saying, "fuck I'm just going to sleep on the couch" I believe they made comments like, "She's big but you shouldn't call her a couch." Then we had to leave as it was nearing 4. Outside while waiting for our taxi, there was a woman sitting on the step who was a bit loud inside earlier. The police pulled in to speak with her. She was spoken to and they remained in the parking lot talking amongst themselves waiting for her to get into a taxi.

Taxi appears, Kelly darts for the taxi, her and her friend get in, the woman then tries to get in and Kelly refused to let her in, I could notice in the background the police were watching and the woman said, "fuck let me in or they will take me to jail" Kelly still refused. So I noticed a taxi by subway and sent her on her way to it. Once in the taxi, the driver said to me, "I thought that was going to be a fight for sure"

Sunday was pretty relaxed, as was today.

Untitled take away the Un and the led

Today while on break a suspicious person tried to get me to let him in one of our doors at work to "promote a new spa, give away some free pampering to some ladies" after about three times of telling him to go to the main entrance and inquire about having a memo posted about it, he finally accepted that unauthorized personnel are not allowed inside. About 10 minutes after break, the power went out, during the 20 seconds before it came back on, I was sure it was a terror incident. It appears it was just lightening related though.

Other then that stuff and spending time with Kelly, and catching up on sleep, I have not done much, things should pick up though now that the week is nearing end and a very busy few days of festivities are approaching.

He's Got All The Pizza

Last night I went to Kelly's dance recital, which featured one kid just standing picking her nose for most of the dances. Thankfully it wasn't Kelly.

It was finally a decent populated night out, as it appeared most of the city was at the OH. Kelly, Vanessa and myself walked from here, avoiding fireworks that were being shot off in the downtown, I had a brief conversation with Cst. Daigle, we stopped in the Sobeys parking lot for a moment to speak with someone, then there was a Malcom M. sighting in the Irving parking lot, which it has taken me a few days to put together it was him.

Once inside the OH, it was initially very empty, but once they turned down the lights and played love hurts in memory of last weeks Nazareth concert it filled up and was extremely full by the end of the night.

Memorable moments include the conservative party local representative's daughter providing free shots all night, tshirts and left over light up things from the Nazareth concert the week before. I'm pretty sure that providing alcohol to voters to sway their vote is illegal, but maybe just at the polling stations.

Eric F. was noted pushing 5, (five) empty beer bottles off the ledge in scruples, oddly nothing was said or done about it, most likely because he would have beat the fuck out of anyone who tried. Some how he was calmed down and no one was a casualty, although there were a few tense moments.

James H. made a comment about a large girl that she, "just needs to have her other hole fed."

A few people got in the fire truck on the third floor, oddly again nothing was done about it.

I went to the bathroom, waited for the stall to become empty( I don't use the urinals in case Billy M should show up) A person we all went to high school with who was in Vettel's graduating class came out of the stall, said to me, "don't go in there right away okay" I said okay thinking he made a mess and shit all over the place or something and said I would wait 30 seconds, he made me promise, however I would have went right in to see what the fuss was about. He ended up not going far as a friend appeared, they went in the stall. A few seconds later they were done. When I went in, half their cocaine was spilt on the floor. I enjoy getting asked not to use a stall because someone is too lazy to put their coke away for a few seconds.

Kelly contemplated pouring a drink on a few people, it appears she enjoys doing this every time we are out, this time however it had nothing to do with me.

What I enjoy about the OH. compared to other clubs is there is very little noise music, it is mainly party favorites, and its like a celebrity outing because everyone knows everyone. I even saw the guy who kept me from choking at Greco on donair wrapping years ago.

We ducked out about 10 minutes early, a brief conversation took place with cst. cooke, then we went to pizza twice. This was probably the funniest part of the night, as nipples for pizza was negotiated by someone, however the idea didn't fly.
Kelly ordered probably the largest possible order, two pizzas and garlic fingers and pop. Once it was ready we were standing outside waiting for a taxi, roughly everyone who walked by made some comment about the 3 boxes of pizza I was holding. No matter where I turned I could hear, "he's got all the pizza."
Prior to leaving there I had a short conversation with Shawn D. who walked home with a girl up Radio St. Moments later a guy came along mumbling Shawns name, went into pizza twice, had a look around, came out and wandered across the street and up Radio like he was a dog tracking him or something.

The taxi took too long, so we gave up and walked home, it seemed to take forever, once home, the food was very good.

Tomorrow it is back to work. It appears its a very busy time here, with Canada Days and the Rock and Roll Weekend approaching.

bloc quebecois eat babies

As Kelly mentioned in her latest entry, Wednesday nights outing turned from a non alcohol night to myself finishing off the rest of my prince igor here, then having a couple of rum and colas at the OH. It was a pretty straight forward night, the usual "who are these people and where do they come from" Wednesday night type of crowd, with some more familiar faces like Kenny M. and Eric and Mark F.
I enjoyed watching their antics for a few moments, we sat with James H. and some others for a bit and left early. Then it turned to be anything but a normal night out on the walk home as the drinks hit Kelly unusually hard and a few weeds were thrown at me for no reason.

When having my lunch today I was watching a Paul Martin news conference, I got to it just as Lisa Lafeme from CTV said the words, "bloc quebecious eat babies" at the end of her question, I'm assuming she was asking if Martin thought they did, as everyone else does. Laughter broke out, and I enjoyed the rest of the news conference, and Martin had a good answer to her original question and followed it up with, "and that is probably why they eat things like ice cream."
I'm surprised Harper's not in the COR party. Voting for NDP or Green is just like voting for the Marijuana party, your throwing your vote away, put it to good use and vote liberal even if you don't like your local member. All the shit people say about the liberals is just that, shit. It's pretty easy to point out a bunch of flaws and ill doings, when they are the only ones who have been in power for years, it would have been the same shit no matter who was leading the country, although in my opinion it would have been handled a lot worse.

Today the Mustang underwent major service. 6 hours and $600 later, I was informed that the car is still in top notch shape, with only a hint of rust on a brake rotor, and on the u joint. It now has all new filters, new plugs, had the rear end taken apart and re lubed, transmission service, and about 12 other things done for its 100,000km service. It now accelerates and brakes like it did the first year of driving it.

What's My Age Again

I will start off by saying that I had a viewer the other day who got to this page by searching google for the phrase, "miramichi girl video"

An interesting topic was brought up on a Third Watch episode the other day. Sully said something that I often think about and is one of my fears, it was along the lines of, "Its like I went to work one day and I came home, went to bed, got up and 25 years were gone. I blew it. Back then I thought by now in my life I'd have a house, kids, so many things I would have done. I blew it and I never even knew I was in the game."

It got me to thinking of how fast time has gone by in my own life, and I guess its the same for everyone. To me its like I woke up and went to high school one day, we made bumper cars in envio sci. class out of card board boxes when we were suppose to be doing a school recycling project but our teacher was at the office dealing with someone who came to school drinking, Kenny said Bootfuck a few hundred times, I did 20 laps around the upstairs with Vettel during lunch playing various games he created, Brian slammed his books shut after answering a question wrong in Mr. wayes class and turned to reading perfect 10 the rest of the afternoon, I came home, went to bed, got up and here I'm 5 years later. I've done a lot in the years since high school, and I have sat around a lot as well, it was a good balance. I don't regret any of it and wouldn't change any of it, but shit it has gone by fast and there were a few things I thought I would have done and experienced in those years but haven't. I guess the moral is, life doesn't wait for you, every day is valuable, and if you keep putting things off it eventually catches up with you.

I can imagine what my mid life crisis will be like, I hope I buy a Porsche and the BHT.

Today I woke up and had 3 hot dogs with everything on them, then my next meal was a big mac meal courtesy of Kelly. I suggest no one ever have hot dogs for breakfast/lunch and a big mac for supper, I feel like my heart may give out at any moment.

Lately I've been deprived of sleep, my sister and brother in law and nephew are staying here while their house is being renovated. My sister and nephew have to be the noisest people in the world and create large messes. It can be 12am and they will yell out to each other if they are in separate rooms and the rest of us are sleeping. The bathroom, I couldn't even see the floor of it today after my sister dumped all her shit she uses for a shower out on the floor. I think doctors use less items to perform surgery.

The most exciting part of today was seeing Marv driving with passing out Weldon. I was tempted to follow them, to see if they have a secret club or something.

Only 4 more days until I return to work.

Tonight may feature a non alcoholic OH trip with Kelly, and Chris.

You Must Be Graduating!

Today I'm struggling to hold on to consciousness after only about 2 hours of sleep.

Last night had many highlights, some of my favorites include;
- Arriving at the OH to find the Dawsons playing pool with cmac and trying to converse with Vettel and Snaggle.
- An earing wearing guy was talking to Vettel for a bit, although he appeared straight, something was definitely up with him. He claimed to work at the prison, but didn't really know the official name and advised me they were hiring, when in fact they aren't, they just finished a hiring drive a month ago. He also talked of smoking hash, weed and cigarettes and enjoyed talking about pool sharks. My bet is that he was not a worker at the prison but one of the inmates on a free "drinking weekend" or he escaped.
- I was over charged for a double rum and cola, I thought it was odd but after living in Moncton and paying ridiculous prices for drinks there, I let it go. My next trip to the bar I was advised that I had been overcharged, apologies were given, and a free double rum and cola.
- Rubens Barrichello was on hand and intoxicated. I'm about 70% sure it was him. The guy looked exactly like him and Rubens is in North America for the F1 events last weekend and this weekend, so I will forever pretend it was actually him. He was with 2 women most of the night, dancing, and jumping in and out of the cage and swinging off of it. I tried to obtain some photos of him doing so to send into a tabloid, but the lighting would not permit it. A close up photo op with him was hoped for, but we left early and didn't cross paths with him.
- On the walk home with Kelly and Andrew, Andrew found an item, which I won't name. A little further down the street we discovered a grad cap(probably from the same owner of the other item), Andrew put it on over his hat and wore it the rest of the way home.
- Once home, I tried making them peanut butter and toast, however the peanut butter was fucked. Kelly was in the mood for pizza, and I was too awake to rest, so Andrew and I set out to pizza twice. 37 seconds into it, Andrew decided he must take his shoes off as they were causing issues. He walked the rest of the way with none on, and on the road itself as it was less rough. Only one car passed by slowly observing him wearing a grad cap over his hat, carrying his shoes, walking in the road. Pizza Twice was closed so we went to subway where I held up the line waiting for Kelly's text message order. I had to call her as it didn't arrive to me fast enough and relay the order instructions over the phone. Andrew got a free cookie.
- There was a brief meet and greet with M. Russell and others who appeared to be using the "hold your finger in the air and see which way the wind is blowing and that is the direction we will walk in to find a party" method.
- We walked back to my place through downtown, stopping off infront of the OH for a moment to talk to Jeremy and others, and everyone tried to take the grad cap.
- By the Royal Bank, we were solicited by a prostitute, on a bike. She made the comment, "You must be graduating" She then got on the bike and came up behind us and circled around and said something, but it was not audible as she was slurring pretty bad.

This morning my cat woke me up twice, as well as a crow and 4 other birds, between the hours of 4 and 6am. And I can't forget Kelly's pulling my one blanket off me, saying she was cold, and arguing with me over it in her sleep, while she had a large, oversized comforter right beside her.

Today included a trip to ritchie wharf where there was about an hour of conversation about various adult related sites and other related issues with Cmac. It always amazes me how someone can say one line from a video or a single scene description and everyone knows what video it is and has seen it. About 20 minutes were spent with a hornet situation, which was eventually taken care of by the security guard. Tom's has the best fries I have ever eaten in my life. The burgers are shit.

Random Numbers

Weekend Recap:

Thursday BHT visit Highlights;
- Top secret stories from Jimmy M.
- Ryan T. admitted to a well known true rumor about a one armed girl and also told a good Perley T. story, and harassed the people he was with rather well.

Friday BHT/OH JeramboFest/BHT Draft Challenge Highlights;
- Prior to going, Kelly, Vanessa and myself drank here. While they played with their cell phones for about 20 minutes I consumed half a pint of Absolut. I then took girlie down the street to do her business, recreating the episode of the Osbornes where Ozzy takes his dog for a walk while he was half in the bag.
- At the BHT the sub bartender had to go get me ice for my double rum and cola, oddly he didn't go into the large freezer for it, but went out the side door, and appeared a few minutes later with some in a bucket. I don't want to know where he obtained it.

I believe it was mostly a classic normal BHT outing with non stop laughter and many inside jokes. It was learned Craig is also a Platinum Blonde fan. Andrew and I played a best of 3 pool challenge, for those that are not aware, we play very well while intoxicated. It was a close match, with him coming out the victor. During the first game Craig put some money in the jukebox and "just pushed random numbers" It ended up being a very good selection of music from 3eb, marcy playground and even magic bus by the who. It was at the end of the game we learned of Snaggle's having to be rushed home sick.
- Kelly, her friends and I went to the OH where the only people I knew there were those of us who had been at the BHT. It was a shitty crowd. My first stop was to use the bathroom but there was puke all over the place, and I mean all over the place like in a maxhardcore video, so I had to go elsewhere. Other then that it was pretty quiet, Kelly danced with her friends and I wandered around with people. I recall Matthew S. and Jerambo spilling most of a grog on the bar, and in the chaos I wasn't asked/forgot to pay for my drink.
- Kelly and I exited to subway around 1:30 and some of the BHT participants were already there. I was appointed Jimmy M's new best friend, Cst. Cooke came in and ordered some food and get harrased, then Kelly and I walked to my place.

Saturday I was picked up by Andrew and Snaggle, we went to Turnbulls where he told a few good stories, then later in the night we headed to the races. For 5 years now they have been saying "we expect more cars next week" There were only 2 hobbystock cars, 4 sportsman, and maybe 8 of the new 4 cylinder class. The modifieds were too slow for my liking, and the feature for them was a classic yellow after yellow with long delays realigning the cars. I now recall why I stopped going there years ago. It's a shame that the competition and management is shit, as its a great track.

Sea Shanties and Wet Panties

Kelly and I rented Club Dread last night. I saw it advertised, but didn't know what it was about. Thankfully it turned out to be a very good movie. With lots of dirty proverb type references, and an 80's, early 90's adventure comedy style to it. It also passed the suspense/scare test, as Kelly jumped a couple of times during some of the murder chase scenes. Here's a good review of the movie. They sum it up well by saying, "The film itself is an interesting hybrid of the 80's slasher movie, the 80's teen sex movie, and the Broken Lizard sense of humor. Broken Lizard being the same creators of Super Troopers, which I have not yet seen, but may after enjoying this movie.

Today I woke up to watch some more Third Watch first season, eat a lot of food and then go pick up my cell phone which was just fixed as it was programmed incorrectly. On my way out, I splashed the strikers a bit. It was my good deed for the day.

I went to the liquor store after that, I enjoy the "Is he old enough stare down" some of the employees there use. Just ask for ID and do some math.

Jeremy's scan of the BHT review, I wonder if they knew pizza was served if they would have put it on the "Best Places to Eat In Canada List" with the Cunard.

Andrew's comments about finding porn. I only recall finding porn once when I was younger, it was while walking home from elementary school. I took a different route that day for the first time. It just happened to be garbage collection day. It was like a golden nugget shining on top of a few boxes on the curb full of garbage. I walked that route home every garbage day after in hopes of finding more, but never did. Thankfully the internet came to be, or I would still be walking in my old neighborhood on garbage days trying to have another treasure chest find.

Childhood Flashback

Nothing interesting has occurred in the last few days, not even during a trip to Sobeys in dtown last night which usually has something funny occur, or something in the store pisses me off. Like boxes all over the isles, or the one item I'm looking for is one of the few items that is out of stock, and probably in the boxes that are lying on the floor waiting to be restocked.


Tomorrow the city empties out to protest about the rumored hospital cuts. I haven't seen this kind of community togetherness since the eve of the great liquor nb strike in the 90's. I can recall a line up out of the pleasant st. location all the way to jane street, and a person who will remain nameless who lives 2 houses down from me, taking a bat with him to fight to the head of the line to make sure he got his fix for the night before they closed. We thought he beat someone with it, as an ambulance showed up and took someone away, however it was just a pregnant woman who rumor had it, got beat up by someone because she snuck ahead in the line, but I think she just went into labor. I always enjoy a good childhood flashback.

Its time to go do something.

Shit, Look At The Old Toilet

I was woken up by the title phrase yesterday morning by the plumbers helper who will rename anonymous, but most know him for his jumping the Newcastle Blvd train tracks once.

Finally after a year, the upstairs bathroom is now once again fully functional, with new toilet and sink. I will be having the ceremonial first use later tonight.

Today featured a trip to Beresford and back.
Right now I'm off to Jingle Janes, or Jungle Jims or whatever you want to call it, for some supper with Kelly. I'm not sure what will occur after that, possibly some absolut consumption.

Rectal Rooter

The cable guy showed up today to put a few extra outlets in, he was driving a white unmarked van, I got worried for a few minutes that it was an accidental rectal rooter setup, especially since they called and asked if they could come over early when Kelly answered the phone.

Right now the plumber is here fixing the downstairs toilet, it seems to have broken after about 8 years of service.

Tomorrow I go for a job interview for a transfer position at work. This one has a 6 week training class that doesn't start until June 28th. Its not a job I want to do, but I figure around here, I probably won't find anything else in the month, so I might as well relax for June, do the paid training class in air conditioned comfort in July and early August with every evening and weekend off.

Last night Kelly, Vanessa, Joey, and I went to see The Day After Tomorrow. Scott Daley was sitting in front of me. I was worried something would upset him and he would storm out of the theatre like that day in enviro. sci. class. Although with the cast of us in that class I can understand why he lost it a few times, and am surprised that he still teaches. I'm sure he has nightmares of Kenny yelling "Boot****" to this day though.

I think soon we will see the city for sale on ebay. I counted the businesses for sale today and the ones that have been recently sold or will be sold soon and its a pretty big number. The next thing for sale will probably be the bridges and the hospital. Here's what is currently for sale; the old courthouse, bens, centennial foods, the river inn, jubilee center, the legion(newcastle), club classic, the doolys/keystone kellys building, parks dairy bar, the old smt station, flett dealership property, the old ambassador in Chatham, and northumberland square which is being or has been sold to some company in Toronto.

I wonder if Taters n Cream would make this for me

Shit there's beer everywhere!

Its been a few days since my last entry, and in those few days here is what I have done;

Friday I did a lot, but can't remember what.

Saturday I left here around 7 and arrived in Fredericton about an hour and a half later, a new personal record.

The drive there was great, hardly any traffic, and a small race with a rental echo.
I passed him around Blackville, he passed me back in Doak on a hill with a passing lane, as the mustang does not like hills unless you have a 110km/h run going. The echo's lead was short lived though, after a couple of quick corners and a downhill section, he quickly pulled to the shoulder of the road, with the passenger side door already opening. A girl got out and puked all over the place. I guess maybe he wasn't racing with me, but just trying to find a store quickly for her to puke.

I only got lost for a few moments in Fredericton, due to some road signs missing from construction. I quickly made my way to Xcitment video and then onto brunswick street and called Andrew at the panic number provided on the map he made and was guided the rest of the way by phone.

We made a run to the liquor store, sobeys and picked up a couple of teens at A&W, then played some video games, watched a few episodes of the mr.show which were very good, and then attempted to harrass people online, but no one seemed to be around. Also Andrew did a small segment that will be used in Adventures In Video Vol.2, and during the segment when a stunt went wrong he coined the quote that could be the subtitle to AIV vol.2, "Shit there is beer everywhere!"

Sunday was some F1 viewing, a trip to both malls and a flee market, followed by me meeting up with Kelly at the mall for the drive home, which went well, only taking about 1h46mins. It was a pretty good drive, but some standing rain on sections of the Blackville to Miramichi sector which slowed us down.

The last episode of TPB's was a little different like most of the season, but still good. I wonder how they got Rita McNeil and Nancy Regan into it, and where Steve Murphy was.

If You Don't Like It, You Can Get The Fu* k Out Too

Operation Southern Comfort Consumption went well last night.

I had half a pint of it here at home and 3 doubles of it at the OH, along with 1 double rum and cola.

I hate how when making the switch from SC to rum and cola, the rum and everything afterwards tastes like grape juice. Thankfully we discovered the OH had SC and I was able to do a quick switch back to it for the rest of the night.

The highlights from the night include our arrival at the OH behind some tall lanky bastard who was bared. The bouncer was nice about it and the guy walked out but was mouthy. So the bouncer mumbled something like your lucky I don't go out and beat your head in. He wasn't aware the guys "uncle" or gay lover, was standing beside him at the time. The "uncle" told the bouncer he better smarten up or he will have him to deal with and that he knows the owner. The bouncers response was simply, "If you don't like it you can get the **** out too."

Other then that, it was pretty empty, only a few people I knew there.

Kelly and I spent most of the night sitting with the pride of mr. bryans grade 9 homeroom, James H. and some people he knows.

During the sit down, a girl from work came over and I believe was saying something to me or about me, I can't recall exactly as I was in the everything tastes like grape phase of the night but she said something along the lines of "I talked to him all day yesterday but I don't think he likes me." Kelly's response to her was, "Probably not."

The only other incident from the night occuried on the walk home, when some older lady was in the liquor store parking lot looking at us, and Kelly said something like what the **** are you looking at to her. Thankfully we made it home without getting shot.

Giraffe!

The highlight from work today was a woman who kept claiming someone helped her last year with something that we have no involvment in what so ever and when I said we don't support said task and could not help her, she asked if I was new working there, when I said yes she shut up for a minute out of surprise.

I'm now on my days off until Saturday.

Pissmops

It has been a few days since my first entry, and here is what I have been up to;

- Kelly and I went to a wedding and reception in Blackville/Renous on Saturday. The food was good and the wedding had some entertaining moments.

Twice, the people infront of us dropped their babyseat on the floor, and the entire church turned and looked at them both times, gasping and wondering if the baby was in it.

The other entertainment came from a kid playing with a toy truck during the ceremony, and one item I missed seeing but Kelly caught, was the priest almost falling and lighting the church on fire prior to the event as he lit some candles.

Sunday I got up early to watch the F1 race.

After the race I had a brief nap, and then showered and went to work. Work was pretty quiet for the first few hours until my night supervisor showed up.

He told us about how he couldn't view his porn the night before because the site wanted him to download a spyware viewer, eventually he yelled "I couldn't get my porn!"
Thankfully he was able to get his porn fix from express vu and told us about that.

The popular thing to do lately at work is, wait until the supervisor is near you, but instead of just talking to him there, you secretly call the supervisors desk phone and make him walk all the way to it and then ask what you want to ask.

Last night at work was also the first celebrity client experience I had, I had Wayne Smith, he is the M.Schum of maritime prostock racing the last few years.
Unofficialy I had former US president Gerald Ford last month, however I'm sure it wasn't really him, however he did appear pretty drunk on the phone.

Entry #1

After a few years of being on the sidelines just viewing, I've finally decided to join in and start one of these things.

I don't know what I will write in here, probably highlights of liquor adventures, work place shenanigans and anything else worth noting.